My life is heavily focused on “what’s left” these days.  What will I be left with financially?  What will I be left with emotionally?  And what am I going to do with it – what little there is of it?

This is an opportunity to re-create my life, which is really a rare gift.  People don’t usually get the chance to start over, to be reborn, halfway through their lives.   They are usually, by this age, set in the pattern in which they will continue until they die.  They’ve adjusted to the loss of dreams, and reconcilled to their circumstances, coming to a happy, blind acceptance of the rest of their lives.  Perhaps they are mature enough to just accept what they have as enough, as their lot in life.  Is that maturity – or cowardice?

I – and Pat as well – have been given the gift of a do-over.  It’s a bit late in coming, but I think it’s the right thing for both of us.  When I look at the past and I look at the now, I can see how we were holding each other back.  Yes, I supported him financially, but it was begrudgingly as well.  Not supportive.  We never resolved the things we disagreed on, just stifled them.  Some couples can do that successfully.  We couldn’t.  And so we go our separate ways, to pursue our separate dreams, and hopefully stay supportive friends as we move through our separate futures.  That sounds pretty nice.

The whole do-over thing is actually pretty exciting.  And as far as age goes, well, so what?  It is what it is.  The one thing I know about myself is this — I always manage somehow.  Always.  So if I’m left with practically nothing, and I want to spend my month in Italy, or another in the Caribbean, trying to write, and it doesn’t work out, something else will come along – or I’ll make something else happen – just another new adventure.

See?  Exciting stuff, huh?!  Kind of cool to think of making your dreams happen.  Perhaps I have more left than I thought.