You are currently browsing the daily archive for December 22, 2009.

What a broad range of emotions I seem to have at my disposal today.

Today is the Captain’s birthday.  Even though I have another wonderful man in my life, I can’t help but miss him.  His voice could always make me smile.  A toast tonight is in order – ‘To fair winds and absent companions.’  He certainly had a shining spirit and I was lucky to have him in my life for his last few years.

The news of my job ending shouldn’t have come as a shock.  In fact, it didn’t come as a shock.  It’s what I had expected and known for some time.  So why is it upsetting me so much?  I came very close to a panic attack this morning (after I had dragged my sorry ass out of the bed in which I wished to remain with the covers pulled over my head for about 6 months.)  It may be that it’s just the overwhelming nature of things right now:

a) divorce will be final on January 4th;
b) need to transfer all the bills that belong to Pat over to him;
c) need to give him an IRA and a big honking check;
d) need to transfer the car titles to him;
e) need to get the Directory ready for press;
f) need to recollect art files for the newsletter;
g) need to wrap presents;
h) need to get Kelsea’s present;
i) need to mail things to E-Bro – and you can be darn sure they’re not arriving by Christmas;
j) need to lose 30 pounds;
k) need to figure out how on earth I’m going to make ends meet;
l) need to plan my future….

Yes, I know that last three items won’t happen in the next couple of weeks.  But this is what I do – I load it all on until I overwhelm myself.  Not a very smart approach.  I need to just sit with one thing at a time and not have wild, rabid hamsters rampaging through my brain during daylight hours.   God, I’m so smart – now why can’t I listen to my own advice?

So if you see a festive-looking woman in a santa hat having a complete breakdown in a shopping mall, well, that will be me.  Stop and say hi.

December 2009


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