You are currently browsing the daily archive for July 28, 2010.

I am always happiest when I am by the sea.  Its lure never pales.  Days stretch in and out of time.  Shells line the edge of the surf like tempting pastries in a bakery – I have collected so many over the years that now I can only afford to take away those that seem most perfect and special. 

I have walked hundreds of miles, just up and down this beach over the past 40 years.  I have grown from child, to teenager, to woman, to mother.  I have watched shooting stars fall to the water, made out in the dunes, nursed my baby at dawn, cried on my father’s shoulder – all here at this house, at this beach.  It was here that a long-ago boy first said “I love you” to me when I was 17.  I have quaked through three hurricanes here, watching the waves lick the bottom of the fishing pier 30 feet in the air.  If I were to really concentrate, really think, I would be able to remember my thoughts, be able to see them and to see myself evolve over all these years, bringing me to the person I am now.

Even though I have had bad-monkey stomach today, it has been a good day.  Finished another book – I find myself on the book-a-day pace now that the final Harry Potter is done.   We did normal life things, like getting the oil changed in the truck, refilling prescriptions, and going to the grocery store, all of which we could do in Porter’s Neck.  Dinner at E-Bros house. 

The ceaseless sound of the waves hitting the shore lulls me into a state of peace.  I feel as if I am recovering.  Yes, I shed a few tears for my failed marriage since I’ve been here, but that’s normal still.  It has been  6 months and 24 days, and I wonder when I will stop counting.

I caution myself about thinking that my new life hasn’t begun yet.  My new life has begun.  I just haven’t embraced the opportunity to shape it yet.  I’ve been taking some mental time off.  And I’ve discovered that I’m pretty happy.  Come Fall, I will get serious about writing and networking, and will even feel excited about it.  But it’s been so many years since I’ve had the summer off that I think it has been good for me to at least feel like I’ve had that break this year.

Just as the sea shapes the shore, though, I have the power to design and direct my life into the form I most wish.  The only thing that can stop me is…me.

Today’s guest poet – Rainer Maria Rilke (translated by Albert Ernest Flemming)

Falling Stars

Do you remember still the falling stars
that like swift horses through the heavens raced
and suddenly leaped across the hurdles
of our wishes – do you recall?  And we
did make so many!  For there were countless numbers
of stars: each time we looked above, we were
astounded by the swiftness of their daring play,
while in our hearts we felt safe and secure
watching these brilliant bodies disintegrate,
knowing somehow we had survived their fall.

July 2010


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