Wyncie Bouge was 3 years old and had a smile that could light up the world. I did not know her. She died yesterday.
Wyncie, her mother Megan, her grandmother Janice, and her two-week old brother Emmett, were in a head-0n collision on a road in Springfield, Tennessee last Monday night, on their way back from dinner. The driver of the other car, who died in the collision, crossed over three lanes of a four-lane highway to hit their car. Janice died that night as well. Emmett had a broken leg. Megan has many broken bones, but she will recover. Somehow. In some ways. But her life, and her husband Brandon’s, will never be the same. Megan has lost her mother. I know that pain. And now Megan has lost her daughter. That is a pain I hope never to know.
Thousands of people from all over the world were praying for Wyncie’s recovery. I was stirred. I was moved. I was praying for a miracle. I felt the sense of spiritual connection with all these people in a shared prayer. I truly believed that Wyncie’s recovery was possible.
And she died.
I am, and always have been, a spiritual person. Non-traditional beliefs have been a part of my make-up for as long as I can recall. Reincarnation. God as a spirit of the universe, more than as a Divine Father. This is the first time that I had felt the pull of God as a divinity that can perform miracles. Now, I am disillusioned in that idea.
I know that people say that God has a plan, and that there was a purpose in this. Really? What? What is the purpose in a joyous, beautiful little child dying a senseless death? I can accept that she brought joy and light into the lives of the people she touched in her short time here. But that more confirms my faith in my own non-traditional beliefs than in the Christianity that I felt myself touched by during this past week.
The whole premise of faith is belief in things that cannot be seen and cannot be understood. Some will say that this kind of tragedy is sent to test our faith in God, and that this sort of miracle does not always happen because God in His wisdom is meant to remain a mystery to us. But that doesn’t feel like a loving spirit to me, and I believe the spirit of God is love. I believe that part of our purpose here on this earth is achieve an understanding of God, of that spirit of divinity, and to reflect it in our actions towards others.
I continue to pray to the Great Spirit, God, whatever name you chose, to bring peace and comfort and strength to Megan, Brandon, Emmett, Wyncie, and all their friends and family. Even if it doesn’t make sense. Because I know that Wyncie, in her little joyous soul, would want them to be happy.
But I will never understand.
13 comments
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February 3, 2013 at 2:21 pm
Animalcouriers
That way madness lies. Heartbreaking waste.
February 3, 2013 at 2:22 pm
Seasweetie
Is there madness in questioning one’s beliefs? Or madness in blind acceptance? Or madness in trying to achieve understanding, animalcouriers. In the work you do, you must encounter heartbreaks and see much joy. I wonder how you make sense of things.
February 3, 2013 at 2:24 pm
timkeen40
I want so much to believe that there is some devine spirit driving the world, responsible for all things, but I just can’t lend myself to that thought. I refuse to believe that the same entity that would make beautiful flowers, tall trees, and create love between a man and a woman that is unmatched by anything would also allow women and small children to be raped and murdered. I can’t believe that this same knowing and loving spirit would allow mad men to herd people into death camps as if they were nothing more than calttle.
It is the same way I cannot believe that this same spirit in charge would allow a little girl who has never done anything to hurt anyone to suffer this way.
I can’t believe that. I won’t believe that and, if it is true, then I am truly lost and happy to be so.
Tim
February 3, 2013 at 2:26 pm
Seasweetie
Your comment made me cry, Tim. I’m not quite sure why. But it did.
February 3, 2013 at 3:14 pm
timkeen40
Crying is something so unique to humans. It makes me believe in…something. I love your posts and this one hit home. To quote you, “I’m not quite sure why. But it did.”
The only fittng way to end this is “God Bless you.”
Tim
February 3, 2013 at 3:30 pm
Seasweetie
And there I go again. God bless you as well.
February 3, 2013 at 2:53 pm
slpmartin
Such events have not explanation…just creates an empty sad spot in the heart.
February 3, 2013 at 5:53 pm
Susan
Amy, hi from BubbaSue. You know I almost never comment on your blog, though I read often and admire your lovely writing.
You know too that I am a Christian. Perhaps we could talk offline about the “the problem of evil” and what Christianity in scripture and tradition has to say about it.
February 3, 2013 at 6:47 pm
Seasweetie
Thanks, BubbaSue. I’d be happy to do that sometime. But I don’t think this is a problem of evil, it is more a question of the root of faith. Which we can discuss as well.
February 4, 2013 at 9:18 am
lucindalines
This is so sad. I do not believe that these things happen to test us. I believe these things happen, and many times God uses these tragedies to change things, but I do NOT ever beleive we are being tested. I also believe that we all have a limited amount of time on this earth and that when our days are finished, we go one way or another. Not everyone can buy this sort of beief, but it is what I learned and have accepted. I also believe that Wyncie and Janice are together waiting for the rest of the family to come and join them in a place where there is no heartache and no tears. Rejoice in the time you had together and the knowledge that you will be reunited one day.
February 4, 2013 at 10:26 am
Seasweetie
I have thought about Janice and Wyncie being together, and that is a comforting thought. I appreciate your sharing your perspective, Lucinda.
February 4, 2013 at 6:26 pm
Cin
Faith is sometimes so hard on us. It is difficult to sit and think “Well why the fuck did that have to happen?” Sometimes there is no sense to it.
But I think an important part of Faith is questioning. It is about wondering why. Because if we all just believed mindlessly we wouldn’t have our free will.
So sometimes I wonder if the point of senseless things like that is to keep us questioning. If that could be a reason. Sometimes I comfort myself by saying maybe something worse would have happened to them down the line so maybe this was for the best. But mostly I just shake my head, know I will never understand and do what I can to heal my heart.
~hugs~
February 5, 2013 at 8:54 am
Seasweetie
Thank you, Cin. I still haven’t forgotten the pen pal offer – just been underwater here. Hugs.