You are sitting there, quietly, when suddenly, you know. Death is at your shoulder. Again. All of his other visits swirl through your memory. Why is he a he? I have always thought of death as a male, and birth as female. The female part, I understand. But the male part is a mystery. He has yet to make a claim, but he is there, waiting. Animal or human, death is the same. In the long run, the hurt is the same. The loss is the same. A sensitive soul like me, or a pragmatic soul, like my ex, still feels the ache. The new/old soul like our daughter feels it all the more, because she is far away, and may not get a chance to say goodbye.
Champ’s age is debatable, but that he was adopted as Kelsea’s dog is indisputable. That he is preparing to depart is also without question. I sat for hours on the floor of the vet’s office with him laying between and against my legs, snoring gently and chasing things in his dreams. I know he will be free of the burden of his body over the Bridge, and that he will be waiting there for us. I have shared similar sentiments with three friends who have lost fur family in the last few weeks. It’s no comfort. There is no comfort. I so wish there was.
The feeling of grief before a death is, some might say, premature. But I know it to be very real , and inescapable. Once Death is in the room, there is nothing I can do but sit beside him, in uncomfortable silence, and wait.
Boulder, Colorado.
Quote of the day: “Dogs are always good and full of selfless love. They are undiluted vessels of joy who never, ever deserve anything bad that happens to them.” — Steven Rowley
Daily gratitudes:
A good vet
Clouds
Getting along with your ex
Video calls
The mixed blessing of feelings
5 comments
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June 8, 2017 at 7:35 pm
Cecilia Mary Gunther
Oh no. I know that anyone who loves animals faces this but it does not make it at all easier. You are doing ok. Going with it. Letting it flow. So sad. But understandable. all my love as you sit there on the floor.. c
June 9, 2017 at 12:49 am
Tim K
All your animals have given me many fuzz therapy sessions. Champ has such a gentile spirit. Hang in there buddy.
June 9, 2017 at 8:29 am
lucindalines
Oh my heart is breaking for you. I too believe that animals will be with us in the great beyond. Wishing you comfort in the time ahead.
June 9, 2017 at 6:14 pm
Issy
Hug.
June 16, 2017 at 7:31 am
So Does That Mean I'm Southern
My heart aches for you. We lost our dog a few years ago and I still go through the house talking to him sometimes. Champ will always have a special place in your soul. May you find peace and comfort from your wonderful memories of your dog. Hugs from afar!