More shall be added as they are learned.

  • Never think about anything important after two o’clock in the morning.  (Thanks, Mother.)
  • Do not open a can of soda while trying to merge onto the highway.
  • If you have the opportunity to watch the moon rise, stop what you’re doing and watch.
  • Don’t look too closely at roadkill to try to identify what kind of animal it is.  If you’re sensitive, it’ll just make you feel bad.  (Thanks, Kelsea.)
  • Never cook bacon naked.
  • Live in a neighborhood where people wave at each other as they pass by in their cars
  • When cleaning, things always look messier when you are in the middle of it than they did when you started.  Keep reminding yourself that at the end, they will look better.
  • If you eat right and exercise, you will eventually lose the extra weight that you’ve put on.  But you didn’t get heavy overnight, and you won’t get thin overnight either. (11/10/09)
  • Never let anyone else, no matter who, no matter what age you are, pick out your Halloween costume for you.  (11/10/09)
  • If you choose to put something carbonated, such as San Pellegrino or Champagne, in the freezer to get it cold quickly, DO NOT FORGET about it.  After three hours, it will explode and you will have the contents of the bottle, as well as broken glass, spewed about your freezer compartment. (3/8/10)
  • Do not take a shirt off over your head when you are walking downstairs.  It results in an epic fail. (6/25/10)
  • There are three rules you should always follow when using a Port-O-Potty:  1) Do not look in the bowl either before or after you use the facility; 2) Hold your breath; 3) Do not sit on the seat.  (7/1/10)
  • If something turns to glue when it sits in a bowl for a few hours, it will probably do the same thing in your stomach, so do not eat it.  (8/3/10)