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Wyncie Bouge was 3 years old and had a smile that could light up the world. I did not know her. She died yesterday.

Wyncie, her mother Megan, her grandmother Janice, and her two-week old brother Emmett, were in a head-0n collision on a road in Springfield, Tennessee last Monday night, on their way back from dinner. The driver of the other car, who died in the collision, crossed over three lanes of a four-lane highway to hit their car. Janice died that night as well. Emmett had a broken leg. Megan has many broken bones, but she will recover. Somehow. In some ways. But her life, and her husband Brandon’s, will never be the same. Megan has lost her mother.  I know that pain. And now Megan has lost her daughter. That is a pain I hope never to know.

Thousands of people from all over the world were praying for Wyncie’s recovery. I was stirred. I was moved. I was praying for a miracle. I felt the sense of spiritual connection with all these people in a shared prayer. I truly believed that Wyncie’s recovery was possible.

And she died.

I am, and always have been, a spiritual person. Non-traditional beliefs have been a part of my make-up for as long as I can recall. Reincarnation. God as a spirit of the universe, more than as a Divine Father. This is the first time that I had felt the pull of God as a divinity that can perform miracles. Now, I am disillusioned in that idea.

I know that people say that God has a plan, and that there was a purpose in this. Really? What? What is the purpose in a joyous, beautiful little child dying a senseless death? I can accept that she brought joy and light into the lives of the people she touched in her short time here. But that more confirms my faith in my own non-traditional beliefs than in the Christianity that I felt myself touched by during this past week.

The whole premise of faith is belief in things that cannot be seen and cannot be understood. Some will say that this kind of tragedy is sent to test our faith in God, and that this sort of miracle does not always happen because God in His wisdom is meant to remain a mystery to us. But that doesn’t feel like a loving spirit to me, and I believe the spirit of God is love. I believe that part of our purpose here on this earth is achieve an understanding of God, of that spirit of divinity, and to reflect it in our actions towards others.

I continue to pray to the Great Spirit, God, whatever name you chose, to bring peace and comfort and strength to Megan, Brandon, Emmett, Wyncie, and all their friends and family. Even if it doesn’t make sense. Because I know that Wyncie, in her little joyous soul, would want them to be happy.

But I will never understand.

wyncie-slider

6:00 – Shower.

6:15 – Step on cat lurking under the edge of the tub as you get out of the shower.

6:20 – Finish apologizing to cat.

6:30 – Put contacts in.

6:50 – Finally finish putting contacts in because one feels like you’re putting broken glass in eye.

6:55 – Realize you have to skip breakfast in order to catch bus.

7:00 – Try to find frozen food to take for lunch.

7:05 – Watch one pound of frozen shrimp fly out of freezer and crash-land on special cat-milk-saucer brought carefully from 1000 miles away.

7:10 – Finish cleaning up shattered remnants of saucer.

7:11 – Wash floor with tears.

7:12 – Realize you’ve missed bus; drive to next Park n’ Ride.

7:20 – Find out you’ve been standing in the wrong bus line as correct bus is about to pull away.

8:10 – Arrive at destination bus station.

8:20 – Get coffee and ginger cookie on way to work to reset the crappy start of your day.

8:30 – Spill coffee on pants.

8:31 – Drop ginger cookie on floor.

8:33 – Eat crumbs of ginger cookie from carpet.

9:00 – Experience first hot flash of the day.

9:30 – While in bathroom, discover that you’ve put your underwear on inside out.

10:30 – Realize that your hair is sticking in out multiple directions – apparent bun failure.

10:31 – Take hair down.

10:32 – Discover you don’t have a hairbrush.

10:33 – Fluff hair hoping it will look fashionably tousled, instead of uncombed.

10:34 – Realize you forgot to put make-up on one eye.

10:35 – Wash make-up off other eye, resulting in appearing like you are sick or tired.

10:45 – Drop cell phone.

10:46 – Drop office keys while trying to recover cell phone.

10: 55 – Step on untied shoe bow while walking downstairs.

11:00 – Erase all memory of morning by snuggling into loving arms of fiancé.

I’m ready to start the afternoon.

January 2020
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