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The New Year is now a distant memory for most of us. I know that MKL and I played pool, drank martinis, ate something yummy, watched tropical visions on Hawaii 5-0 on Netflix, and fell asleep before midnight. But many of you in the blogosphere may have noticed the “One Word Challenge.” I was late to that party, but the idea is that you pick one word to which you dedicate your actions and goals for the year. It’s simpler than your standard New Year’s resolutions, which are generally abandoned by the time you get the Christmas Tree off to the recycle center.

I’m not generally a big fan of this sort of thing (or of large parties), but this struck some chord within me. MKL and I do have a goal of combining households and actually living like a married couple in 2016, which led me to think that my word was “home.” But that is a very, very complex word for me (although MKL has made it simpler, as I feel as if my home is where he is). So I don’t think “home” is quite my word. I think my word is for 2016 is “bravery.”

BRAVERY.

The things that feed my soul that I fear pursuing because of rejection or failure need to be brought out to the show windows this year, reactions be damned. Maybe not quite like bravery in terms of Braveheart where Mel Gibson gets his intestines pulled out on a roller, but bravery in terms of going after what I want (no one else can do it for me) and taking risks around changes in my life, seeing new places, challenging myself. I haven’t done anything particularly brave in five years, when I was forced to reshape my roadkill of a life. So it’s time. Wish me luck. No, wish me courage.

IMG_6494

Eastern Colorado.

Quote of the day: “Scared is what you’re feeling. Brave is what you’re doing.” — Emma Donoghue

Daily gratitudes:
My MRI technician
Shamanic journeys
Meeting deadlines
Melting snow
Love

 

 

Well, today was my first day at my new grown-up job in Denver.  It was good – I think I’ll enjoy the job. I sense that it will really refine my writing skills and add to my abilities.  The people are wonderful.  It will be challenging.  In short, it’s all exciting.

The weirdest thing is being alone in this.  I have never before gotten a job, started a job, without having my parents around to share in that experience, to be my “boosters”.  It’s been years and years since I’ve had a job and not had someone to come home to, or at least share my day with on the phone.  It really emphasizes my sense of loneliness.

I couldn’t sleep last night – I was nervous, excited, my stomach was in turmoil, I was missing my parents.  I had a weepy few hours, and wished there was someone I could call in the darkness when I couldn’t sleep.  I miss that.  I guess I was kind of hoping….well, it just would have been nice. 

As I said, I had a really good day, but I was weepy again going home.  Sigh.  I know I am moving forward – no, upward.  But I am still sad.  And still hurt.  And still kind of lonely.

Tomorrow, I’m going to take the bus! It may not sound exactly thrilling, but I’m excited – something else I’ve never done before.

I feel like I’m a little kid starting school again.

I spent a lot of time last weekend reading up on how to start my business, get clients, etc.  I would get very motivated, very excited…and then very intimidated.  It became positively overwhelming — making lists of potential clients and contacts, finding a web hosting service, considering brochures, letters, business cards, direct mail, sample, and on and on.

I retreated to the safety of the same book that inspired the angst – The Well Fed Writer – and it was somewhat comforting.  There’s just so very much to do to create a business presence in the freelance world.  But I’m doing it.  I spent this morning working on a website – hosting through FatCow is fairly easy, but I don’t really like the template options that they’ve offered me.  Still, it’ll do for now, until I can upgrade to something spiffier.  At least it’s one bite out of the elephant.

So what’s on the agenda for this afternoon?  I guess it’s the next bite – starting to look for possible jobs and making that client/call list.

March 2019
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