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Over Tired

Tired is an insufficient word
to express
The buzzing-hollow-drained feeling sometimes
leftover from a night’s unrest,

A night when strangers
stage dream interruptions
walking though a set not meant for them,
startling the dreamer,

A night of lingering spirits
of an unrecalled past
who are unrepentant in their repetitive passing
up and down the creaky floorboards,
the product of a sensitivity to souls
or an exhaustion-striped imagination,

either way,
equally real,

raptly unfinished.

I am extremely tired tonight, and that means I can get teary for no reason… but there is always a reason somewhere in the heart, isn’t there?

My heart and dreams have been rejected, nay, stomped on, but I am turning my face back to the sun, and starting to trust again.  That makes me happy.  It has taken a while.

Tonight is a perfect example of why I do not have smoke detectors.  I cooked a steak.  If I had smoke detectors, they would all be going off. All of them. Seriously. Way, way off.

I love the long way home – I don’t even think it’s any longer than the other ways home.  But the roads are winding, and I get to pass my one of my favorite trees.  And horses.  And a little old abandoned farmhouse that I would love to call my own. And have amazing views of the mountains and the clouds.  They matched tonight, with just a band of lemon sky in between them.

The earthquakes disturbed me last night and today.  Not physically. Well, not exactly.  I got home right around the time it was happening, but I wasn’t aware of it, though I think we were close enough to feel it. But the cat…aaaarrrrgh.  She was feeling  the “disturbance in the force”.  She would NOT leave me alone.  Lick my eyelids, sit on my head, bite my feet.  Sounds like a porn movie gone very, very wrong, doesn’t it?  I finally got her to settle down on the other side of the bed, so that I was not inhaling cat hair all night long.  But I still didn’t sleep – I might have had two hours of half-sleep, in which I had dreams I didn’t like or  understand.  And something was missing from my recessed brain.  I’ve had a presence that makes me happy in the background of my dreams for the previous five nights, and its absence was noticeable.  So between the dreams and the missing connection, I tossed and turned, too hot, too cold, all over the map.  Ugh.  I’m so tired I HAVE to sleep tonight, or it will be like Oban all over again.

I haven’t had a random post in a long time.  I had a lot more to say that I thought of when I was driving home, but after the near-fire and whatever, I’ve forgotten.  Which means they’ll show up for another dose of randomness sometime soon.

August 2019
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