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It is not quite uncoated weather, but it’s close and it will be on Sunday for certain.  That makes me happy.  There was a new bird tweeting outside the window this morning, which means they are slowly migrating back, and that makes me happy too.  As I was driving into Boulder today, I realized that it’s almost calving season and I LOVE calving season.  Baby cows are soooo cute.  Which is why I can’t eat veal.  I don’t think it’s possible to eat something that you’ve named.

I’m very excited to say that there seems to be good news on the job front!  I received an offer this morning, contingent on my passing the background check.  Of course, this shouldn’t be a concern for me, but it’s human to worry your memory like a dog worries a bone to see if there’s something there that you’ve forgotten that perhaps you should have mentioned.  I don’t think so though.  I’m set to start on the 22nd.  An exciting new phase of life, and I’ll tell you more about the job as I dive in – but I will tell you it’s a writing job, and that makes me very happy.

The realtor also tells me that there are more hopeful signals about the (my) house – my actually being almost employed gives me a little more confidence about the whole house thing.  I have been talking with the Universe about the house being ready for me when my lease is up.  Which is May.  That house wants me.  I can feel it. 

It feels nice to be wanted by a house and an employer.

I will miss my coffee shop times to a certain extent, but they will just have to be scheduled a little more tightly.  I am pretty darn thrilled to think about working (for someone) again, learning something new, meeting new people, having a new routine.  It has been a huge challenge to shift my mindset from leaving Colorado for someplace warm with a partner, to staying here to build a new life on my own over the last 2-3 months.  But there is nothing I cannot do, and nothing I cannot survive.  And that’s nice to know.

I am learning more about allowing myself to be, and to be in the now, in the moment – and be happy there as much as possible.  I suppose that’s the whole practice of mindfulness that some therapists talk about, and some spiritual folks practice.  Like now, when I can soak in the sun shining through the window of Caffe Sole, a warm, swirling cappuccino to hand, some new music touching my ears, a little child outside catching drops of melted snow water from the roof in his cupped hands outside. 

And being able to share it all with you.

Sun on the Coffee Shop Chair

Sun on the Coffee Shop Chair

I haven’t made an entry into the Divorce Diaries for a while.  That’s because there’s been nothing really to say.  It is what it is.  It’s not awful.  Pat and I are getting along just fine.  Kelsea and I are getting along great.  Pat and Kelsea are getting along well.  She doesn’t try to push us together.  She has suggested things like taking a family vacation, and I’ve told her that the family profile is different now, and we won’t all three be going on any trips together.  She’s okay with that.  Pat has expressed an interest in taking her on a trip – I think he’s a little jealous of the good times she and I have had when we’ve gone away.  That would be very nice for both of them.

Yesterday would have been our 20th wedding anniversary.  I thought of it in passing after I dropped Kelsea off at school.  Several years ago, before I had finally had enough, I was planning a special trip for us for this anniversary – Italy, or Greece, or Turkey – just the two of us.  It was not to be.  But I’ll get to those places myself someday.  I had a momentary sadness, but truly, it was just a moment.  Then, I pulled up in front of my old house to pick up something for Kelsea, and completely forgot about it.  Pat didn’t give any indication that he remembered.  (We actually both had a hard time remembering the exact date; one of his brothers gave us an anniversary clock with the date engraved on it, and we always had to check the clock to be sure.)

So 8 months after the divorce, strange to say, it feels like a more comfortable relationship.  He still make comments that grate on me, but I don’t feel compelled to spit back, and I don’t take them to heart.  I know that I can just leave.  But for the most part, we chat, we confer on Kelsea issues, we do each other favors, we hand off our daughter, I pay child support, he’s not asking me for money, I don’t ask him about his projects/finances.  I guess it’s a friendship.  Maybe that’s what it was supposed to be all along.

It bothers me a little bit that I can only remember the most loving times vaguely.  Perhaps there’s too much water under the bridge.  Or perhaps it’s an internal mechanism to help the healing process.  I really don’t know.  I just know that we’re both moving on.  And that’s just fine.

I know I didn’t finish the tale of our travel to Steamboat – you’re missing the details of the service at the Christian Science church, the cellist who almost destroyed the Boston Symphony, and moose hallucinations (which would make an excellent name for a band).  And maybe I’ll finish up while we’re on the road, but…..we’re hitting the road again tomorrow morning.

It’s the beginning of our Excellent Adventure Roadtrip (EAR).  Tomorrow’s goals: 

– The World’s Largest Easel
– Don Kracht’s Castle Island
– Child Mystery Dress-Up Grave
– Fire Hydrant Garden

All winding up at the Holidome in Topeka, Kansas, where I once broke down (the car got stuck in 3rd gear on the interstate, and if this ever happens to you, be very careful where you finally park, because you will forget that the car will not go into reverse), completely lost my voice, and felt like I was going to freeze my most delicate parts off.  Good times. 

Hopefully, I will erase the bad associations I currently have with the Kansas capital, and replace them with something new and fun and weird.  Stay tuned. 

The adventure is about to begin.

August 2019
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